How to be the Best Ally for a Fearless and Beautiful Birth Journey

💡 Summary: A supportive partner can make all the difference during labor and the immediate postpartum period. This blog outlines practical steps partners can take during different stages of labor and postpartum to ensure they are present, supportive, and actively involved in the birthing and parenting journey.

Partner Support Through Labor and Postpartum

Having a supportive partner can make or break your labor and immediate postpartum experience. I've seen clients struggle when their partners were unsure how to help, and I've also seen partners who seemed like they could be professional doulas. This blog will provide tools to help partners be supportive and meaningful throughout labor, delivery, and the postpartum phase.

There is so much to be said about the importance of partner support. Your medical team knows how to handle birth and postpartum care, but as a partner, you know the birthing person best. You are an invaluable asset to the team, providing insight to personalize their care. Your presence, whether through active participation or attentiveness, will be deeply valued by your partner during this intimate experience. Society might say you’re just a clueless bystander, but that is far from the truth—you are an active participant, and this blog will show you how.

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Early Labor: Setting the Stage

During early labor, contractions are often sporadic and mild compared to what's to come. Your partner might still be communicative, laughing, and describing what they’re feeling. If this is the case, it’s likely early labor. Here are some tips to support them during this stage:

• Encourage Rest: Both of you should get some sleep if possible.
• Hydrate and Nourish: Offer water, snacks, and meals if appropriate.
• Distract and Move: Provide distractions if it’s daytime, or encourage a walk for movement.

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Active Labor: Increasing Support

During active labor, contractions become more regular and stronger. Your partner may be less present, focusing more on breathing and movement. This is when you step up your support:

• Get to the Birthplace: Ensure you’re prepared to head to your planned birthplace.
• Hydrotherapy: If unmedicated, suggest a shower or bath to help with pain management.
• Be Present: Support breathwork, encourage movement, and offer reassurance.

Transition: Holding Steady

The end of active labor, known as transition, is often the most intense stage. Contractions are close together, and your partner may experience physical symptoms like vomiting, shaking, or fluctuating between hot and cold. Anxiety is common during this time.

• Offer Affirmations: Remind them they are strong and that the end is near.
• Set Small Goals: Encourage getting through a few more contractions.
• Physical Comfort: Hold them, let them cry, and be present without judgment.

Pushing: The Final Stretch

Once fully dilated (10 cm), it’s time to push. Your care team will guide you both through this phase. Expect your partner to feel a lot of pressure, be exhausted, and possibly sweaty.

• Cold Washcloths: Have a few ready to wipe their face and neck between rounds of pushing.
• Encourage and Hydrate: Offer sips of water and words of encouragement after each push.
• Be Their Corner Person: Think of yourself as their support in the corner, helping them prepare for each round of effort.

Immediate Postpartum: Welcoming Baby

After the baby is born, you’re a parent instantly. Take this time to be present—family updates can wait. Help the birthing person with skin-to-skin contact, and do some skin-to-skin yourself if possible. Take pictures, be attentive, and gather information, as the birthing person may be a little out of it due to exhaustion.

Postpartum Period: Supporting Recovery

The immediate postpartum period encompasses the first week of your baby’s life. The birthing person is recovering, and if breastfeeding, learning how to do so, which is another full-time job. Managing usual roles during this time is challenging, and your support is crucial:

• Feed Them: They are feeding the baby, so replenish their water, put snacks around their nursing spots, and make sure they’re nourished.
• Lactation Support: Be present for lactation advice from nurses or consultants so you can help remind them of tips later on.
• Gatekeeper for Visitors: Manage communication with visitors so they can focus on rest and bonding with the baby.
• Skin-to-Skin with Baby: Take turns doing skin-to-skin to give the birthing person time for self-care.

Self-Care for the Partner

Becoming a parent is a huge transition for you as well. The person you might normally unpack things with may not be as available to you, as they’re also navigating being a new parent. It’s important to be responsible for your own mental health during this time:

• Mental Health Awareness: Postpartum mood disorders can affect partners too, so talk to a therapist or seek one if needed.
• Lean on Your Community: Talk to supportive friends, find a new parent guide, or hire a doula to help both of you navigate this phase.

Staying Present

‍Being a present partner throughout labor and the postpartum period will enhance your bonding experience with your new baby and increase intimacy with your partner. This phase is new and can feel like two ships passing in the night, but staying present and supportive is the most important thing you can do as a new parent.

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Watch our YouTube video on the topic or listen to the full episode on our podcast.

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